He had a habit of remarking to bartenders that he didn’t see any sense in mixing whiskey with water since the whiskey was already wet. The hard part about being a bartender is figuring out who is drunk and who is just stupid.
Bartender says, “Where’d you get the pig?” Guy says, “This is a duck.” Bartender says, “I was talking to the duck.” Guy goes into a bar with a duck under his arm. He said to the bartender, ‘Whiskey and ice.’ The bartender said, ‘There’s no ice.’ The American said, ‘I’ll have water.’ He said, ‘You can’t. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.Īn American goes into an Irish pub. Then I started thinking about how cool it was.Īlways do sober what you said you’d do drunk. I could finally quit my job as a bartender and stop dreaming that I might be Superman and know that I was. If Jesus was a bartender, He would still only be half as cool as Carlos.Ī duck walks into a bar and the bartender asks, what’ll it be? The duck doesn’t answer because it’s a duck. You’re not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender. That’s the magic of being a bartender- the sleight of hand at play, to hide all the work and serve up all the pleasure.īartenders recognize through practice what liquid increments look like in a standard mixing glass.Ī bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory. A good bartender has to be part philosopher, part psychiatrist, part psychic.
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